I’m doing this whole “open relationships” thing, having multiple intimate relationships and being honest with all of my partners about it. For the most part, it’s really working for me. It allows all of my relationships with people to be based on our connection, instead of on labels of “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”, or “just friends”. And there isn’t the luscious taboo of being attracted to another person… that taboo just drives the energy, intensifies it and turns it into high drama. I’m an actress, but I’m not really one for high drama in realtionships. With open relationships, I can allow a relationship to develop with whoever it develops with, not constrained by specific labels. And I never have to worry if the other person is “the One” or not. In monogamous romantic relationships, I got so caught up in worrying if I was wasting my time putting energy into that relationship — especially if we were struggling. I’d get focused on thinking that there was probably someone better for me out there, and that I was keeping myself from meeting them because I was trying to work things out with frustrating lover #34. Getting away from the “the One” hypothesis, I can simply (ha!) be in a relationship. I can hold the struggles in a relationship more calmly — knowing that it isn’t my only source of love and affection makes the struggle less charged, allows me to hold it more for what it is.

But it’s not perfect, OH NO. There are definitely HARD and FRUSTRATING pieces of it, especially one particular relationship I’m in with a man who has 2 other lovers on the farm (that’s how we often refer to the commune, “on the farm”) who are both dynamic and powerful and… intense. One of them just came to his room where I was working on the computer and asked if I knew where he was. She was obviously frustrated, and I could have answered better than I did. I said “I think he’s in my bed, in my room.” (we all have our own private rooms in one of several large residence buildings). She got more frustrated and stormed out. They’re leaving on a trip tomorrow and he had told her he’d come by and help her pack, then never showed up. So him being in my room, in my BED!, was really frustrating to her. Understandably. What she didn’t know was that he was feeling queasy and sick and asked if he could rest in my room for a bit while I did other things. Obviously, communicating this information to his other partner would have been helpful, but I didn’t think about it until she had already left the room enraged. OOPS. It’s tricky, this human emotion thing.

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