Back to jealousy for a brief bit, just to wrap things up after the quiz. So here’s my reiteration: “jealousy” is the word used to describe feeling unhappy/bad/sad/mad/upset/frustrated/anrgy about someone spending time with someone else. Those feelings are certainly real, and I’ll agree that the word “jealous” applies to how I was feeling in the story. And I’m not satisfied to stop there. It’s important to me to look at WHY I’m upset. Where does my sadness stem from? What am I making it mean that he spent the night with someone else? (update for new readers: this isn’t a problem in itself; we have an open relationship… see story below) I want to understand my feelings more clearly before I throw them on someone else so that it doesn’t become a blaming/defensiveness cycle, which tears relationships apart.

so that’s why I don’t use the word jealousy. It’s not descriptive of what’s really going on for me.

in other news, I realized tonight that the look on peoples’ faces when I tell them I was a Religion major in college is the same look as when I tell them I was a cheerleader in high school. Varsity. Captain. I have pictures to prove it.

speaking of high school, singing in a cover band now makes me feel totally inadequate about my knowledge of music from the 80s and 90s. I don’t know most of the songs that we’re singing (besides “It’s Raining Men” and En Vogue’s “Never Gonna Get It”), songs that the other band members already know by heart because they’ve sung them at the top of their lungs in the privacy of their own rooms in expressions of teenage angst. Me, I’m musically ignorant, except for Broadway musicals and what was played on popular radio. U2 and Madonna. I did Country music for awhile in junior high, but I’ve been over that for quite a while (though I still recognize songs on country stations when I’m flipping though the radio — scary). We aren’t singing any country songs in our All Request Dance Band. We’re getting ready to play for Validation Day, which is the hippie commune version of Feb 14th. Instead of giving special attentionto one person, we do a whole collective appreciation thing. Each person has a multi-paged homemade card made for them by anothe person, and then in the weeks leading up to V-day, people write short appreciations in each person’s card. On Feb 14th we have a huge party and read the cards out lound and try to guess who the recipient it. Then we have a wild dance party where everyone is feeling good and loved from reading 70 messages of “you’re wonderful because…” and “i’m so glad you’re in my life”. So our band is playing at the dance. All I can say is that Summer does a scrumptious Aretha Franklin.