I’m exhausted.  It’s been a long day.

I woke up feeling sick this morning after an evening of nurturing a sick Paxus.  I cancelled my morning work (visiting the Scrabble playing older woman who I wrote about last week) in the interest of both her health and mine.  I was going to spend the day resting.  Then I realized I could go to the morning’s planner meeting, which I was originally going to skip to be with Rose.  “It’s just sitting,” I thought to myself “so it counts as resting.”

Two hours in the planner meeting, where we talked about egalitarianism and individuals earning money to pay for pets.  Food and vet bills for pets are officially a communal responsibility, but in this time of lower economic abundance, the Pets budget has been cut and isn’t sufficient to cover all needs.  So folks want to work off the farm to earn money to support their pets.  And officially, “on the farm” use of money that you earn “off the farm” isn’t kosher, in order to keep away from economic hierarchy and class differentiation.  So, it’s come to the planners to look at how to take care of the pets we foolishly didn’t budget for, within an egalitarian framework.  I love it.  I love sitting in on planner meetings, and I’ve been doing it for long enough now that I feel comfortable saying my thoughts and opinions.  Input for my plannership is due on Sunday…

After the planner meeting, I went to lunch, to the garden meeting.  The garden is basically run by one amazing woman who has everything organized and planned, and a “full crew” team of 4 or 5 people who do regular work in the garden, practically daily.  The “paracrew” is composed of about 30 people who don’t make such an intense time and energy commitment, and who work in the garden one or two days a week under the direction of the garden manager or someone else from the full crew.  I’m on the paracrew.  Each Thursday at lunch we have a garden meeting so that anyone on any crew can get sense of the big picture in the garden, and get a heads-up about where we are in the growing season and what specific tasks are needing to be done.  As someone who works maybe once a week in the garden, I really appreciate the garden meetings as a way of staying connected to the whole process of growing our food.

After lunch, the daily hackey sack circle, then off to another meeting: the Community Visitor Program (CVP).  Two hours of Sociocratic decisionmaking about our 3-week visitor process, and then I headed to the tofu hut.  I wasn’t scheduled to work in tofu today, but there was a sign posted at lunch begging for extra help, and I decided to go in.  We’ve doubled the size of our tofu business by taking on production for an ex-member who runs his own tofu business, and today was the first day of production.  His product is pretty different than ours, with many different flavors and marinades and additional ingredients.  If you ever buy Sunergia “More than Tofu”, chances are that in the next few months you’ll be eating tofu made right here on the hippie commune.  If you happen to buy the Garlic Shitake with an expiration date of 7-18-05, you’re eating tofu that was packaged by my hot little hands on this very day.

It was interesting to me to notice the difference between doing work that I’m scheduled for, and doing work that I’m choosing to do.  I’m often sluggish and reluctant when I drag myself into the tofu hut for yet another 4 hour shift of noise and sogginess, and towards the end I’m watching the clock tick towards the end of my shift.  Today though, when I chose to go in and help out, I was much more lively and energetic and I didn’t watch the clock, because I knew I could leave whenever I felt ready to go.  I pushed myself towards the end when I realized it was nearing dinnertime, because I wanted to finish up the task I was working on.

So much for a day of resting…  I could have rested.  I could have spent the day in bed.  Why didn’t I?  I can take labor credits for resting when I’m sick; it’s part of our work system — getting “paid” to sleep and drink tea.  Why didn’t I do it?  Because there were things I wanted to be a part of, meetings I wanted to  participate in and tofu I wanted to help package.  I wanted to be a part of the first day of Sunergia production.  And now I’m exhausted, after sitting in on tonight’s community meeting about Intentional Economy and looking at ways we want to be making decisions about budgets and money.  I was too tired to really participate, and I sat in because I love this kind of discussion.  I laid on the couch in the hammock shop while others stood at jigs weaving hammocks, earning labor credits and making money for the community.  I just listened, and that was enough for me.

And now I’m realizing that there was much more I wanted to write about, reflections and ideas and thoughts and brilliant prose… I’m too tired.  All that will come later.  This post just gets to be an insight into my day, if not my mind this time.