Reporting from grad school, one week in:

I’m frustrated by how theoretical everything is.  I miss the concrete tangibility of the garden, the cows, and even community politics.  All of that debating had meaning and eventually ended up with some kind of decision and action.  Here we’re just dealing with thought and ideas that haven’t any direction towards expression in the physical world (except in research papers, which perhaps get published and read by a few academics who digest it in their brains and move on to another article).  We aren’t exploring the nature of society so we can make intelligent and healthy choices for how to participate in creating it — we’re exercising our brains, which can be fun, but not fulfilling.  This feels too luxurious for a world in which so much work needs to be done.  All this thinking isn’t getting us anywhere!  All these great thoughts that I’m having or that my professors have written in books — who’s listening?  What’s the point of all these thoughts if they aren’t communicated and used towards change?

Do I just want my life to be important?  I just don’t want to waste my time.  I’d rather be growing good food or facilitating a collaborative meeting or providing healing to a friend.  Spending hours writing a paper just doesn’t take priority to developing deep and healthy relationships with my family and community.  I don’t have the tolerance for hoop-jumping that I used to.

where can I find a nice pond to jump into?

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