A disturbing trend: I’ve been getting alot of comments recently about how “good” I look. “Wow, have you lost a little weight? You look great!”
I’ve lost weight because I’m not eating heathly and I’m miserable. I feel worse than I have since the teenage angst of high school. And yet, because I’ve lost weight, I look “good.” I don’t know how to respond to people when they tell me that. I don’t want to reinforce that message to myself, or to them. I don’t want to take on the belief that skinny is good, despite the context. I loved my body at Twin Oaks, surrounded by appreciation for the human body in all its forms. I loved my curves and my strong arms and my hands rough from working in the garden. Now my skin is smooth and my belly is flat, and I feel weak and lifeless. THIS is what I’m getting appreciated for?
Wedding Wire Couple’s Choice 2021
Rev Kate Adamson 
I’m so sad that you are feeling unhappy, and if you are losing weight because you are unhappy it’s not a positive change. Your posts have been more and more sad sounding since you left Twin Oaks. I just really believe that when we are in the right place we are not completely miserable to the point of losing weight.
Good luck to you as you discover your life journey. May you be strong, happy,and healthy soon.
Olivia
You’re right, I’ve been writing a lot about how unhappy I am. It’s weird — at Twin Oaks I wrote mostly about the “good” days, and outside of Twin Oaks I’m writing mostly about the “bad” days… there were days of unhappiness at Twin Oaks, too, and there are days of contentment now. I guess I’m writing about what I find most interesting…
I have to tell you, your comment on my blog really touched me; I didn’t even know you read my blog. And I am relieved to see your comment here; I’ve been worried about your adjustment to life in what is called the “real” world. Glad to see you have good times too, and I hope your love, in all its manifestations, sustains you through tough times.
It strikes me that those people who are mentioning to you that you “look good” could simply be picking up on the fact that you are feeling badly. Maybe they are just trying to cheer you up, but lack the proper words to do so. With many people, unfortuantly, being told they “are losing weight”, would be thought of as a compliment instead of something less than healthy. Just another mark of the odd society in which we live.
It was so good to see you here weekend before last … remember that if you’re feeling miserable, you can always call …
love, Sarah
You and I are in such similar struggles. I wish I could say that it’s gotten easier as I’ve gotten farther away from leaving Acorn, but after 5 years, I’m still looking for the path. Or maybe just trying too hard to look ahead on this path.
This period has been, for me, a time of learning how to take care of myself. How to deal with a lot of stuff I don’t really like, and not let myself slip down into depression. It’s not the most fun life lesson, but it’s been a really powerful one. In the midst of feeling directionless, I’m proud of how well I’ve become at . . . not coping, that’s not it at all. At reminding myself of who I am, and finding joy and accomplishment in mundane places.
When I look back on this period of my life, I don’t think I’ll ever say “what a good time I had,” but I will say “I learned a lot that has served me well in life.”
Peace,
Raven
hey kate, sorry i didn’t get to talk to you one on one at new years. drop me at email when you have a chance – my address is still myfirstnamemylastname (but spell it right) at yahoo dot com.
raj
hey kate-
sorry to hear of what you’re dealing with now, it seems like you’re having the same hard transition that i did/still sometimes have post-commune. i live up in metro-dc, and i have been here since may, and i can truly say i have not made any really strong connections with new people. it’s really hard! i can say i enjoy my work and being with this boy, but i do miss a lot of community aspects that are just so so absent from this culture. i feel at a loss as to how i can improve this. nothing inspiring from me today, just know i feel your pain! urban alienation, ya got me again. this is why i moved to TO in the first place. – mele
Regarding your body, in July 2005 it looked fine, no weight problem. Thinner would have been OK but not at the expense of strength or well being. I would not know how to respond either. , Wayne